Thanks for checking in...

I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ll get right to the point. I won’t dance around what I’m trying to say, as I know it gets irritating to read something and wonder when you’ll get to what the writer is getting at. That’s why I’m not going to do that here.

(giggle)

Ok, now that I got my joke out of the way, here we go.

You never know who has your back. You never fully realize how many people are thinking of you… pulling for you… wishing the best for you… even actively looking out for you.

In this strangely connected world where unless someone ‘likes’ your post you just assume they either (a) didn’t see it or (b) don’t care, it’s refreshing to know that really isn’t the case. At all.

Most of you are aware by now I was laid off (again) in mid-July. I won’t get into that day too much, other than to just say it sucks to go through all this job hunting again. I thought I fixed that three years ago, so to have to sing this song again brought out a lot of anger, frustration and confusion. Not saying some of it still isn’t there, but time has a way of providing perspective.

If you’ve never been laid off, the range of emotions you go through is wide. But, one of the most prevalent is a kick to your self-confidence and self-worth. Your inner-voice tells you a lot of things, but very few of it is good.

What I found so refreshing was how many people showed their initial support. I almost feel like I’m having to post too many of these, but each time, I’m shown an amazing amount of love and support.

Thank you. Sincerely. Genuinely. Thank you.

Some of you immediately offered to help in any way you could. There was literally more than I could realistically handle. It took me a long time to go through all the options people offered up.

But over time, some of you kept checking in on me. When my spirits were down, that encouragement really helped. A lot. And it still does.

What was really humbling (and prompted me thinking to write this) was someone in particular reaching out to me. I’m not sure in all our FB friend-time I’d ever heard from her. For all I knew I was just one of the people who she’d either blocked because I’m obnoxious or I just didn’t show up on her feed.

But, she reached out to me with some options to check into. And I thought, “Wow. I had no idea she even knew my situation…” It literally brought me to tears. Here I am throwing a pity party and feeling worthless yet there are people out there looking out for me I really don’t know about.

That got me to thinking who is out there praying for me I don’t know about either.

And what’s strange, is this is someone I wouldn’t consider to have a close relationship with. For no real reason other than she has her life and I have mine. We are always certainly friendly when our paths cross, but she cared enough for me to try to help.

If she’s reading this, she’ll know exactly who she is. I’m not going to point her out because it’s not pertinent to my point. I’ll address her directly. But, if you ARE reading this… thank you! 

When I’m feeling worthless, down, depressed, sad, etc… the first thought in my mind is how few people really care. But, we have NO CLUE how many people really do. None. And it’s an amazing thought to know people you hardly talk to have your back.

Then I got to thinking… how often do notice people’s posts without ‘liking’ or reaching out? Quite often, actually. I read everything I see and say more prayers than I let known for people. That’s not patting myself on the back as much as it is a reminder that if I’m doing that, then I know other people are doing that for me.

(Now comes part 2 where I shift to a deeper level…)

I struggle with depression. Have for YEARS, even when I didn’t realize it. If you do too, then you know that even when things are going well in your life, it can be a major hindrance. It goes beyond just being sad. And stress is a MAJOR trigger. Good stress, even.

So, discouragement is easy to come by. Encouragement isn’t. Reach out to people you know are struggling just to let them know you have their back. You’re thinking of them. Praying for them. Regardless of who they are. You may feel a bit strange, especially if you really only have them on your friends-list to stalk their pictures or laugh at how obnoxious they are from time to time. But, do it anyway.

And don’t think your words will be lost in a sea of other well-wishers. Trust me… that is NEVER the case. If for no other reason than it helps reinforce in their minds they are loved and thought of by people who aren’t in their normal circle. We expect those close to us to encourage us. But when someone we don’t talk to often joins the party, is makes it exponentially sweeter.

And it helps provide the most important of human needs… hope.

I could write a novel about depression and its impact, but maybe another time. What is most important here and now is knowing that regardless of your situation… people have your back and pull for you even when you are oblivious to it. And the key on the other side is make others sure to know when you DO think about them.

There’s enough ugly in this world. Bring a little joy. Go the extra mile.

Someone did for me and it blew me away. 

(PS... someone literally just hollered at me, offering to help and encouragement right before I hit publish on this. Amazing.)

Cam Is as Cam Does

I have an affinity for people I think are misunderstood. I know the feeling.

Because of that, I used to like Cam Newton. I really did. Quite a bit actually. But now that I understand him... now that he showed us who he really is... who he STILL is... he's not worth liking.

He's great at football. So flippin' what. Lots of people are.

I liked Cam Newton up until January 26th when he went from misunderstood guy to race-dividing whiny quarterback who says America can't handle him because he's black.

I didn't care about his being black until he brought it up. Once you bring up something as a dividing factor we as a nation are trying to get past, then all you're doing is perpetuating the problem. He wasn't asked about being black. He shoehorned a wedge into the narrative where it didn't exist for me previously. For ME, once you play that card, you can't put it back in the deck.

He is the epitome of a generation that believes the lies they've been told. He's grown up in a society where he's been shown and told any slight is automatically assumed born from race. He's not entitled to our admiration. He's not entitled to special treatment and his transgressions being overlooked. He's part of the Victim Generation. I have little use for that. And even less respect.

I love to watch him play. I think he lacks maturity, but part of that is what made him fun. He's not stodgy. He's not 'establishment'. That's his allure. But Cam has to understand that the criticism he got before the Super Bowl isn't because (generally) he's black... It's because he's anti-establishment in an established world!

In his mind, it can't be because some people don't care for his style. It can't be because he's brash... and by definition, being brash means you rub some the wrong way. You can't embrace your brashness and then get upset when some people don't like it. That's like saying you like a Big Mac because it's fattening and then get mad at McDonald's because it contains fat. That's a coin you can't call both heads and tails on.

He's an idiot. He's no thug. He's no punk. He's an idiot. Is idiot a race-neutral enough term?

He sees himself above reproach. He sees himself above scrutiny because he's great. That's nothing new. He's been that way since college, if not before!

He's a black quarterback... but you know what? Sue me... but that's not special anymore. And if it IS special, then we've made little progress as a society. I know some may actually believe that, but that's a different blog topic and much longer discussion. Doug Williams was special. There have been plenty of GOOD black quarterbacks: Steve McNair, Randall Cunningham, Warren Moon, Russell Wilson, Donovan McNabb. Even lesser good ones like Mike Vick, Colin Kaepernick, and Quincy Carter. (Giggle)

The newness has worn off. At least for me it has. And it's my blog, so these are my thoughts from my perspective. But, I tend to have a pretty good understanding of human nature. I obviously can't see things from Cam's perspective, but he fabricated a race-issue where there was none to compensate for the fact that some people don't care for his style. His skin is so thin, he can't keep it real unless he feels disrespected in the process. It just makes no sense.

Before you say I'm stupid because I don't think race plays into anything, just hold on. Of course some people don't like him because he's black. But, wouldn't it be fair then to say some people DO like him just because he IS? Those two extremes cancel each other out and I'm looking at the general populace... not the ones who either can't be won or can't be lost.

If January 26th was where he showed the world who he was... his post-Super Bowl presser is where he showed us who is still is. It's all fun and games when you can dab your way into the Super Bowl. But, get your butt handed to you in front of 100 million people and you can't take the embarrassment of the egg on your face? His immaturity is what people have railed against and his immaturity in walking out of that presser is what confirmed their thoughts.

There is no shame in losing a Super Bowl if you handle it with class. His whole identity is based on 'keeping it real'... being who he is be damned. So if he's all about keeping it real... and he embarrasses himself by walking out and being nonresponsive in his answers, then his classlessness IS real because that's what he's all about, right? 'Keeping it real, yo' is a dangerous game because you tell people your actions define who and what you are. His actions sure did that. By his own crafted identity, he showed us who he really is.

Last year, Russell Wilson (a black QB we all apparently CAN handle) lost the chance to repeat in the Super Bowl by throwing a game-losing interception... on a play he knew shouldn't have been called. Yet he took the heat. He absorbed the blame. He didn't deflect. He didn't point fingers. He took the questions. He took the pain. He personifies class and is, I think, in victory and defeat, the BEST example in the NFL of who to emulate. Beyond Peyton. Beyond my boy Brady. Beyond anyone.

Yes, I know the context of how the Super Bowl press conference was set up. Yes, I know he had to endure Chris Harris loudly talking about Denver's game plan to force Cam to throw. Yes, if I was Cam, I'd be livid having to sit through that. I understand his anger. So... are we at a point where anger and disrespect is an excuse for acting a fool? You may be in that boat, but I sure as heck am not. We all make mistakes. But they're only forgivable if you acknowledge the sin.

No Cam... you don't get to dab and smile and absorb the adulation when you win but run away when you lose. Your immaturity cost you that game.

Denver's defense DOMINATED that game, yet Carolina still had a chance to win (or go ahead) very late in the game. It was winnable. Maybe a more mature QB would have. Maybe not. But a more mature QB certainly would have presented himself with some class after it.

Tom Brady has lost two Super Bowls. In 2012, he was so angry and upset he made the media wait 45 minutes just so he could cool down. Kinda douchey, yes. But he faced the music and knew himself well enough to cool down before doing so.

Peyton Manning has lost two Super Bowls and handled both with class.

I've also seen the story where Cam went up to Peyton after the game and Manning said Newton was humble and gracious in the loss. Irrelevant if he's not going to carry it through to the deadly media. (Don't get me started on the whole blaming the media thing...) I guess it'd be worse if he spit in Peyton's face, but even this dichotomy of different responses speaks to his immaturity and refusal to face the same people who's adulation he had garnered.

Cam has gone from someone I'd love to see win to someone I root against. All in about two weeks. I know I'm irrelevant. But I can also guarantee I'm not a lone wolf.

I got jaded a long time ago on personal adulation of athletes. I like very few as people. I like certain personalities (one used to be Cam's.) I have grown into respecting the journey and rooting for their helmet. I root for their ability and for things I see that maybe few others do. I appreciate greatness.

I don't appreciate entitlement. No one is above reproach.

But thanks Cam for keeping it real because I know now who you really are and there is no denying it.

He's young enough to change. I hope he does. But until I see him lose with class and grace, he won't convince me he has.