It's for the Kids...

Lots of frustration this morning on a number of different levels.

Our first (and only) 10U softball season is winding down and this has been an interesting season to say the least. While I won't document it all with a novel, I will talk about our game last night.

In a tight game against a team that barely beat us before, the focus is supposed to be on each side of girls playing their hearts out. Nice defensive plays. Back and forth scoring. All the things you want your kid to experience and learn how to (a) deal with and (b) teach them how to deal with and enjoy.

Instead...

Oh geez, instead...

Instead, there are coaches who think it's ok to transfer their competitive spirit (term used loosely) onto 9 and 10 year old girls. And by transfer, I mean screaming until their heads turn tomato red and the girls look at you wondering if you're turning into The Hulk. These girls are not meant to be a portal to live your own competitive nature through. These coaches aren't there to show how good of a coach they are.

Coaches are there to teach the girls the game, sportsmanship and what it means to be a team. You build the girls up. You teach them. You get onto them when necessary, but make sure they know you are there for THEM. Once you turn it away from that, you've no longer made the game about them... you've made it about yourself.

So, tied 4-4 (one out) with time running out, we load the bases. By this time, the game has less than five minutes remaining. That's critical. In 10U Girls softball, you cannot start a new inning if less than five minutes are on the clock. We were home team. There would either be a tie or we would win 5-4. No exceptions.

We get the hit and knock in the 5th run. Game over. Right? RIGHT?!? Well, yes... but the umps make a poor decision to keep the game rolling just so our girls can hit and play out the final 3 minutes or so. (Bad decision b/c this seems to be at their discretion. We've had a similar situation where the game was called because it was technically 'over'.) It was clear the other coaches were trying to get a 3rd out before time expired so we could start a new inning. Rules say that's just not possible. (Sadly, this is one rule it seems few people think of until they are surprised when we can't continue the game...)

At this point, the umps should have seen what was happening and just called the game instead of letting the other side think they had a chance to prolong the game. I'll spare the rest of the details, but the game ended and the opposing coach comes over and lambasts the ump for some pitching calls he made. He's thrown out of the game (after it's over). But, the point is how disrespectful he was of the ump... and the lessons he was teaching his girls. (I'll give the ump credit... he stayed fairly calm during this whole thing.)

Not only did he not know/remember the rule about the final inning... not only was he yelling at his own girls in a way I'd have issue with if I was one of their fathers (and I'm not always the coddling type :)... not only was he extremely disrespectful to the umps... by his actions he showed how little sportsmanship matters when you don't get your way. That's a horrible lesson to teach.

To his credit, he didn't blame the umps for costing them the game. He gave us proper credit. But, by his actions, he showed the girls it's ok to throw a fit if you don't like something... instead of calling time (or whatever) and discussing it as a grown man.

Coaches are not there to win. If that's your goal as a coach in 10U Rec League softball, you do not need to be out there. You're not doing yourself or your girls any favors.

To make matters worse, these coaches are in positions of leadership in the community. Man, if you can't check your ego at the door, you should not be coaching in a Rec League. None of that was competitiveness... that was immaturity.

Funny thing is... I know one of the guys in question and I don't think he's a bad guy. I really don't. I think he's a good guy who lets a bad side out of him. I'd know b/c I've done the same thing! He never disrespected our team (which I do appreciate). But, dangit... it's about teaching the girls about softball, teamwork, handling adversity, accountability and sportsmanship.

Look... I know about having a bad temper when competitive. In a high school CHURCH basketball league, I led the league in fouls, foul outs, technicals and ejections. I coached one team in the same league when I was in college... and I led the league in technicals and ejections. I've been ejected from more softball games as a player than I care to admit. Heck, I got ejected once for LOOKING at an ump. I KNOW what it's like to have a temper out there. But... eventually the truth set in. And before I was in my 40s.

I'm just frustrated/sick when the emphasis shifts from the girls. I have no question he's out there to help them. None at all. All things start from good intentions. But, you just can't lose focus like that. Competitiveness is not an excuse. If this was high school/college? While it may be a bit overboard, it would at least be understandable because there's more at stake than just a Rec League.

I'm the most competitive person I know. And I'll challenge you to prove me wrong. (See what I did there?) I used to have 'that screaming guy' in me. Heck, trust me... he's still there. When I act(ed) like that, I only embarrassed myself and taught those around me that that behavior is ok. Bottom line: If I saw any one of my kids acting like what I saw last night (and have seen with many, MANY other coaches... don't want to say this guy is the only one... or even the worst), I'd have pulled them into the dugout and whooped their butts right then and there.

This is our last season of softball. Jordyn is moving onto vocal lessons and while I think she'll really enjoy that, I do wish she had the 'fire' to continue with softball too. I've really enjoyed coaching the girls. I'll miss it... and them... But, I can't exactly help coach a team w/o a kid in the league. That's a little creepy. :)

But, if anyone reads this... and there's actually the possibility of the person in question reading this... please don't forget... it's about the kids. We had our glory days. Let's let them have theirs and teach them how adults should act.