Thanks for checking in...

I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ll get right to the point. I won’t dance around what I’m trying to say, as I know it gets irritating to read something and wonder when you’ll get to what the writer is getting at. That’s why I’m not going to do that here.

(giggle)

Ok, now that I got my joke out of the way, here we go.

You never know who has your back. You never fully realize how many people are thinking of you… pulling for you… wishing the best for you… even actively looking out for you.

In this strangely connected world where unless someone ‘likes’ your post you just assume they either (a) didn’t see it or (b) don’t care, it’s refreshing to know that really isn’t the case. At all.

Most of you are aware by now I was laid off (again) in mid-July. I won’t get into that day too much, other than to just say it sucks to go through all this job hunting again. I thought I fixed that three years ago, so to have to sing this song again brought out a lot of anger, frustration and confusion. Not saying some of it still isn’t there, but time has a way of providing perspective.

If you’ve never been laid off, the range of emotions you go through is wide. But, one of the most prevalent is a kick to your self-confidence and self-worth. Your inner-voice tells you a lot of things, but very few of it is good.

What I found so refreshing was how many people showed their initial support. I almost feel like I’m having to post too many of these, but each time, I’m shown an amazing amount of love and support.

Thank you. Sincerely. Genuinely. Thank you.

Some of you immediately offered to help in any way you could. There was literally more than I could realistically handle. It took me a long time to go through all the options people offered up.

But over time, some of you kept checking in on me. When my spirits were down, that encouragement really helped. A lot. And it still does.

What was really humbling (and prompted me thinking to write this) was someone in particular reaching out to me. I’m not sure in all our FB friend-time I’d ever heard from her. For all I knew I was just one of the people who she’d either blocked because I’m obnoxious or I just didn’t show up on her feed.

But, she reached out to me with some options to check into. And I thought, “Wow. I had no idea she even knew my situation…” It literally brought me to tears. Here I am throwing a pity party and feeling worthless yet there are people out there looking out for me I really don’t know about.

That got me to thinking who is out there praying for me I don’t know about either.

And what’s strange, is this is someone I wouldn’t consider to have a close relationship with. For no real reason other than she has her life and I have mine. We are always certainly friendly when our paths cross, but she cared enough for me to try to help.

If she’s reading this, she’ll know exactly who she is. I’m not going to point her out because it’s not pertinent to my point. I’ll address her directly. But, if you ARE reading this… thank you! 

When I’m feeling worthless, down, depressed, sad, etc… the first thought in my mind is how few people really care. But, we have NO CLUE how many people really do. None. And it’s an amazing thought to know people you hardly talk to have your back.

Then I got to thinking… how often do notice people’s posts without ‘liking’ or reaching out? Quite often, actually. I read everything I see and say more prayers than I let known for people. That’s not patting myself on the back as much as it is a reminder that if I’m doing that, then I know other people are doing that for me.

(Now comes part 2 where I shift to a deeper level…)

I struggle with depression. Have for YEARS, even when I didn’t realize it. If you do too, then you know that even when things are going well in your life, it can be a major hindrance. It goes beyond just being sad. And stress is a MAJOR trigger. Good stress, even.

So, discouragement is easy to come by. Encouragement isn’t. Reach out to people you know are struggling just to let them know you have their back. You’re thinking of them. Praying for them. Regardless of who they are. You may feel a bit strange, especially if you really only have them on your friends-list to stalk their pictures or laugh at how obnoxious they are from time to time. But, do it anyway.

And don’t think your words will be lost in a sea of other well-wishers. Trust me… that is NEVER the case. If for no other reason than it helps reinforce in their minds they are loved and thought of by people who aren’t in their normal circle. We expect those close to us to encourage us. But when someone we don’t talk to often joins the party, is makes it exponentially sweeter.

And it helps provide the most important of human needs… hope.

I could write a novel about depression and its impact, but maybe another time. What is most important here and now is knowing that regardless of your situation… people have your back and pull for you even when you are oblivious to it. And the key on the other side is make others sure to know when you DO think about them.

There’s enough ugly in this world. Bring a little joy. Go the extra mile.

Someone did for me and it blew me away. 

(PS... someone literally just hollered at me, offering to help and encouragement right before I hit publish on this. Amazing.)

Cam Is as Cam Does

I have an affinity for people I think are misunderstood. I know the feeling.

Because of that, I used to like Cam Newton. I really did. Quite a bit actually. But now that I understand him... now that he showed us who he really is... who he STILL is... he's not worth liking.

He's great at football. So flippin' what. Lots of people are.

I liked Cam Newton up until January 26th when he went from misunderstood guy to race-dividing whiny quarterback who says America can't handle him because he's black.

I didn't care about his being black until he brought it up. Once you bring up something as a dividing factor we as a nation are trying to get past, then all you're doing is perpetuating the problem. He wasn't asked about being black. He shoehorned a wedge into the narrative where it didn't exist for me previously. For ME, once you play that card, you can't put it back in the deck.

He is the epitome of a generation that believes the lies they've been told. He's grown up in a society where he's been shown and told any slight is automatically assumed born from race. He's not entitled to our admiration. He's not entitled to special treatment and his transgressions being overlooked. He's part of the Victim Generation. I have little use for that. And even less respect.

I love to watch him play. I think he lacks maturity, but part of that is what made him fun. He's not stodgy. He's not 'establishment'. That's his allure. But Cam has to understand that the criticism he got before the Super Bowl isn't because (generally) he's black... It's because he's anti-establishment in an established world!

In his mind, it can't be because some people don't care for his style. It can't be because he's brash... and by definition, being brash means you rub some the wrong way. You can't embrace your brashness and then get upset when some people don't like it. That's like saying you like a Big Mac because it's fattening and then get mad at McDonald's because it contains fat. That's a coin you can't call both heads and tails on.

He's an idiot. He's no thug. He's no punk. He's an idiot. Is idiot a race-neutral enough term?

He sees himself above reproach. He sees himself above scrutiny because he's great. That's nothing new. He's been that way since college, if not before!

He's a black quarterback... but you know what? Sue me... but that's not special anymore. And if it IS special, then we've made little progress as a society. I know some may actually believe that, but that's a different blog topic and much longer discussion. Doug Williams was special. There have been plenty of GOOD black quarterbacks: Steve McNair, Randall Cunningham, Warren Moon, Russell Wilson, Donovan McNabb. Even lesser good ones like Mike Vick, Colin Kaepernick, and Quincy Carter. (Giggle)

The newness has worn off. At least for me it has. And it's my blog, so these are my thoughts from my perspective. But, I tend to have a pretty good understanding of human nature. I obviously can't see things from Cam's perspective, but he fabricated a race-issue where there was none to compensate for the fact that some people don't care for his style. His skin is so thin, he can't keep it real unless he feels disrespected in the process. It just makes no sense.

Before you say I'm stupid because I don't think race plays into anything, just hold on. Of course some people don't like him because he's black. But, wouldn't it be fair then to say some people DO like him just because he IS? Those two extremes cancel each other out and I'm looking at the general populace... not the ones who either can't be won or can't be lost.

If January 26th was where he showed the world who he was... his post-Super Bowl presser is where he showed us who is still is. It's all fun and games when you can dab your way into the Super Bowl. But, get your butt handed to you in front of 100 million people and you can't take the embarrassment of the egg on your face? His immaturity is what people have railed against and his immaturity in walking out of that presser is what confirmed their thoughts.

There is no shame in losing a Super Bowl if you handle it with class. His whole identity is based on 'keeping it real'... being who he is be damned. So if he's all about keeping it real... and he embarrasses himself by walking out and being nonresponsive in his answers, then his classlessness IS real because that's what he's all about, right? 'Keeping it real, yo' is a dangerous game because you tell people your actions define who and what you are. His actions sure did that. By his own crafted identity, he showed us who he really is.

Last year, Russell Wilson (a black QB we all apparently CAN handle) lost the chance to repeat in the Super Bowl by throwing a game-losing interception... on a play he knew shouldn't have been called. Yet he took the heat. He absorbed the blame. He didn't deflect. He didn't point fingers. He took the questions. He took the pain. He personifies class and is, I think, in victory and defeat, the BEST example in the NFL of who to emulate. Beyond Peyton. Beyond my boy Brady. Beyond anyone.

Yes, I know the context of how the Super Bowl press conference was set up. Yes, I know he had to endure Chris Harris loudly talking about Denver's game plan to force Cam to throw. Yes, if I was Cam, I'd be livid having to sit through that. I understand his anger. So... are we at a point where anger and disrespect is an excuse for acting a fool? You may be in that boat, but I sure as heck am not. We all make mistakes. But they're only forgivable if you acknowledge the sin.

No Cam... you don't get to dab and smile and absorb the adulation when you win but run away when you lose. Your immaturity cost you that game.

Denver's defense DOMINATED that game, yet Carolina still had a chance to win (or go ahead) very late in the game. It was winnable. Maybe a more mature QB would have. Maybe not. But a more mature QB certainly would have presented himself with some class after it.

Tom Brady has lost two Super Bowls. In 2012, he was so angry and upset he made the media wait 45 minutes just so he could cool down. Kinda douchey, yes. But he faced the music and knew himself well enough to cool down before doing so.

Peyton Manning has lost two Super Bowls and handled both with class.

I've also seen the story where Cam went up to Peyton after the game and Manning said Newton was humble and gracious in the loss. Irrelevant if he's not going to carry it through to the deadly media. (Don't get me started on the whole blaming the media thing...) I guess it'd be worse if he spit in Peyton's face, but even this dichotomy of different responses speaks to his immaturity and refusal to face the same people who's adulation he had garnered.

Cam has gone from someone I'd love to see win to someone I root against. All in about two weeks. I know I'm irrelevant. But I can also guarantee I'm not a lone wolf.

I got jaded a long time ago on personal adulation of athletes. I like very few as people. I like certain personalities (one used to be Cam's.) I have grown into respecting the journey and rooting for their helmet. I root for their ability and for things I see that maybe few others do. I appreciate greatness.

I don't appreciate entitlement. No one is above reproach.

But thanks Cam for keeping it real because I know now who you really are and there is no denying it.

He's young enough to change. I hope he does. But until I see him lose with class and grace, he won't convince me he has.

Why I Love Star Wars

In case you haven’t heard, a small little indie film called Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out this weekend. For anyone who’s ever met me, it probably didn’t take long to figure out I kinda like Star Wars. Just a little.

And with the release of The Force Awakens, I’ve actually been very introspective as to why. Why do I love Star Wars so much?

Star Trek is cool, but it’s not Star Wars.

I really fell in love with The Lord of the Rings franchise (oddly, I’d nev

er heard of it until the movies were announced). But it’s not Star Wars.

Harry Potter is an amazing universe. But it’s not Star Wars.

And I’ve been pondering why I still act like an 8 yr old kid with this stuff. The older I get, the deeper I get into it. Maybe I’m just immature. Some would certainly agree with that hypothesis. But, it goes deeper than that. I’m ‘immature’ because I think there’s a real value in embracing living life with as much innocence as possible. It’s an ugly world. I choose to enjoy it through ‘immature’ eyes because I have to deal with it in ‘adult’ ways. I don’t apologize for that. I’m certainly no fool. I think part of living with that perspective allows me to see the best in people. To give people more credit than maybe they often deserve.

To live life with A New Hope each day.

A worldview like mine probably lends itself to a certain naiveté, but I think it has more to do with hope in humanity than truly being naïve. I’m not dumb. I’m not really immature. I just refuse to let the world I live stay ugly.

That’s a strange direction in a blog about Star Wars, but I’m thought-streaming here. Get over it.

It’s interesting to me how Star Wars has helped shape my worldview in that regard. I’m not getting into the whole argument regarding any religious/faith-based conflicts. My love for Star Wars doesn’t compare (or compete) with my faith in Christ.

But, I keep asking myself, “Why do I love Star Wars so much?”

Star Wars, at its core, is a story of hope. It’s about overcoming oppressive odds to find the best in yourself to help others. It can certainly mean so much more, but there’s an innocence in what Star Wars represents. The characters and lore can certainly be examined deeper and more philosophically. I’d love to go through that exercise sometime.

But, people who don’t get it just don’t think about it the way I do. And that’s ok… but it’s interesting to think about the impact it has had on my life.

Before The Force Awakens, the total runtime for the Star Wars movies is 797 minutes. How can 797 minutes mean so much to someone? Well, for one, I grew up with the movies. I saw each one in the theater. And everything is magical when you’re a kid. One of my earliest memories is of getting in trouble (or crying about SOMETHING) and my dad taking me to the Chateau in Irving to see Star Wars. I swear it felt like I saw it in the theater 20 times. It was probably two.

I then remember our very first cable box and staying up until midnight watching HBO. No idea what was on, but I saw a promo for Star Wars and thought it’d be cool to see that again. I didn’t really know how HBO was structured, but I remember being really tired and about to go to bed. I decided to see what was coming on next and the Lucasfilm logo came on and I thought that looked familiar. Then the 20^th Century Fox banner came on… Then…

Then the music. The title scroll. Sleep would wait. I can’t tell you how excited I was that I was lucky enough to catch the very first showing of Star Wars on TV ever. So cool then. So cool to think about now.

But, all in all, 797 minutes is an insignificant about of time. But, think about it… I grew up with Star Wars. That meant I had a lot of the toys and action figures. So, I spent untold hours playing in that universe.

I remember being at Twin Oaks daycare and the girl I liked (yes, I was a Mac Daddy long before kindergarten) let me play with her Luke doll while she played with Princess Leia. All the other boys were jealous… but I WAS LUKE and they weren’t!!! (I guess that was a poetic precursor to me always being ‘like a brother’ to most girls I happen to like…lol) He even had his own rope and blaster. So cool. J

I remember going to Northpark Mall with my dad to see The Empire Strikes Back. That’s where I found out Darth Vader is Luke’s father!!! Whaaaaaat?!? Walking back to the truck, my brain was just in stunned disbelief. How could this be? What did it all mean??

I remember my now-gone cousin Denise taking me to Golden Triangle Mall to see Return of the Jedi. There were even Revenge of the Jedi posters. I freakin’ remember those!!! The only toy I remember my grandmother buying me while we were out and about? A die-cast X-Wing fighter.

The movies and universe blew me away. The memories and nostalgia still do.

I even enjoyed the Prequels because I loved getting more context into the alternate universe I so badly wanted to be real. Although, for the record, I did cringe at Jar Jar even then.

I can’t fully define what it is about Star Wars than captured me. I really wish I could. Lord knows I’ve been trying to come up with really smart-sounding rationale to make myself feel good.

There are really cool characters. Really funny ones. Really minor ones that have long backstories. Really major ones than have mysterious origins. It has royalty. Rebels. Good guys. Bad guys. Flawed guys who become good. Good guys who suffered failure even though they had good intentions. Pretty girls. Ugly aliens. Weird robots. And everything served a purpose. That’s the genius of it all. We know it’s fake… but it all is so deep and fleshed out, it feels like it could be real in a galaxy far, far away.

But that’s still not it. Where I think the power in Star Wars lies is in the connection to the most powerful human convention. Something mysterious. Something so versatile it means different things to different people. Something even more nebulous than love.

Star Wars represents hope.

Hope against all odds. Hope that we have something inside us that makes us more than we think we are. Hope that even when we face temptation, we can still choose good. Hope that while power is powerful, honor and doing right is more so. And hope that even though there are bad people in this world, maybe there is still good in them. (Jesus sure thinks so). Hope that there could be someone out there you don’t know that can impact your world in such a way you will never forget. Hope that lightsabers could really exist at some point in my lifetime. J

It’s fitting the original is called A New Hope. The older we get, the more we need hope.

Hope isn’t immature. Hope is powerful. Hope is innocent. Hope is pure. Hope is how I live my life.

The Force may be the overriding ‘power’ in the Star Wars universe that connects all living things. But, I think The Force is really Hope. Hope connects us to ourselves. To each other. To what could be.

So, with that… May the Force be with you.

Republican Candidate Presidential Debate... Genius Syle

Oh dear lord, I just watched the Republican debates. At minimum it was entertaining.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the 11-17 debate. But, I went in really wanting to hear and learn. I know very little about many of these guys and what I DO know is very limited. It was an interesting look and some confirmed what I suspected. Others really surprised me.

I liked the format and for having so many people on stage, they did a decent job of spreading the love. But certain people went too long without air-time then got peppered with a couple to make up for it. That could have probably been managed better.

My biggest disappointment in the process surprised me. Megyn Kelly. I love her work. And I’m a sexist pig who thinks she’s pretty dang fun to look at too. But, she bombed. She came across as vindictive at times. Clearly agenda-driven. The one thing an interviewing panel can’t do is steer the debate with questions to ambush the candidates. Let them elevate or hang themselves organically. I know it’s Fox News, so there’s going to be some of that, but it was overt and I didn’t appreciate it. Whatever that was last night, it wasn’t fully fair and wasn’t fully balanced. It felt like she (they) were out to discredit and attack Trump and push Jeb Bush. Ultimately, each guy is responsible for his own answers and I think they could have ended up with the same performance. Sometimes it wasn’t the question but the accusatory (or opposite) tone, even in voice inflection, that rubbed me wrong.

I know Fox’s reputation and some of it is way overblown. They earned it this time.

But, each candidate has an opportunity to win my vote and ever-important Facebook support, because let’s face it… my support (or lack thereof) is going to boost or bury these guys. We all know this. J

My synopsis:

Dr. Ben Carson – I love his mind. I want his brain leading this country because I love his thought process, conclusions, common sense and demeanor. He has no political history so he has no political enemies beyond natural Democratic predators. That lack of political history/savvy is a problem though in an age where the job entails as much maneuvering as anything else. He’s not the most spontaneously eloquent speaker, but don’t mistake that for being in over his head or lack of understanding. I think he’s measured, honest and ‘gets it.’ I fear for his ability to garner wide-range support. If there’s a black guy to vote for just because he’s black, he’s the guy… not the last one. He stumbled in getting his answers out in time, but I think that has more to do with his thinking faster than his mouth can move… something that proves he’s not a career politician. He’s my favorite candidate, but I fear his lack of political history gives him little chance. Hope I’m wrong. Whoever does win would do well to use this man as an advisor. DEBATE PERFORMACE: A+

Scott Walker – Moral guy who I have serious problems with. I liked a few things he said, but most of his answers are based on utopian hope and not reality. He has good ideas that may work in a perfect scenario, but this world and the resources the USA has does not allow for his ‘perfect world’ solutions. It’s like asking me what I’d do if I won the lottery. I can dream, but reality says my budget is limited so I have to make choices. What I WANT and what I CAN DO are very different. He didn’t seem to grasp that. I also have a serious problem with him undermining the Iran treaty by leading a groundswell of Republicans to send a letter saying the deal would be rescinded if a Republican was elected. I don’t agree with the treaty AT ALL and there other ways to sabotage the thing, but what he did then was borderline treasonous. Hard for me to overlook that and this debate didn’t really move the needle for me much either way. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – C

John Kasich – I knew NOTHING about him coming in. Good thoughts. Good outlook and thought process. I’m open to learning more about him, but he’s got some ground to gain. But other than learning about his existence, I didn’t learn much about what he really believes policy-wise. Seems like a good guy. A really good guy. I am interested in seeing how he’s received nationally. He didn’t say or do anything that bothered me and I liked him. But I don’t think he’s a President. I think he’s good governor material. Those in the crowd seemed to like him. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – B

Donald Trump – Arrogant. Pompous. Egotistical. I didn’t learn anything I already didn’t know. I think he hit the right nerve in the right way at the right time which has organically propelled him into contender status early and he’s running with it while it lasts. I think as time goes, his numbers will drop because he’ll be exposed as being an entertaining figure with no ideas. He says the things we wish our politicians would say but know they can’t. We all know I’m no fan of political correctness, but I DO think there’s a need for general courtesy. His views aren’t so bad, but his manner and demeanor scare the crap out of me. I don’t want him having a hand in ANY kind of foreign policy. He’s a loose cannon who brings value to the table, but is just… so… abrasive. And that says a lot coming from me. I appreciate his honesty. I really do. I just don’t want him leading this country in a global environment. If the world were JUST Earth of America, I’d consider it. It’s not. I think he COULD be good for this country but horrible for the world. This debate showed he’s good for soundbytes and a few good ideas, but no plans. My biggest fear with him is when he doesn’t get the nomination, he’ll peel off (which he said he’d consider) and run as an independent. That will hand the Presidential election to the Democrats. I’m not convinced he’s not a plant to do just that. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – C+

Chris Christie – He’s one I really wanted to learn about. He reminds me so much of a former boss it’s scary. Irrelevant to anything, but whatever. I’m writing this. You aren’t. J I was impressed. I had a lot of fears about him and need to do more research. I knew that before, but now I have reason to follow up on that. He impressed me a lot. Of all the candidates, I’d say his stock rose the highest for me. In NFL Draft terms, he was the combine warrior who came out of nowhere. Now is he Mike Mamula or an actual threat, we’ll see. He’s more well spoken than I expected, which means he will be able to gain support from people who only follow eloquent speakers. Don’t underestimate the importance of that. That’s largely what got our current President elected. I won’t say he has my vote yet, but I’m certainly interested in learning more about him. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – A

Marco Rubio – This guy is interesting. First reaction to him is I think he may be a bit young, so hopefully if he doesn’t win, he’ll have a few more runs in him. I liked him a lot. Of those in this debate, he might have impressed me the most compared to expectations. He used to be the Republican hope, but fell into hot water regarding some immigration ideas. I didn’t really follow much of that, but was just aware. Now I see why his stock used to be high. I loved his answers, demeanor and sharpness. Ironically, his weakness (in speaking) seems to come when he is in a prepared speech. I actually appreciate that because it means when he’s answering questions, he’s prepared, has answers and thinks fast. I certainly need to learn more about him (and all the candidates), but he was a VERY clear winner to me in this thing. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – A+

Ted Cruz – I probably know more about Cruz than most of the other candidates, but that doesn’t mean I know a lot. I’ll be honest, I’ve never been a huge fan, only because he’s so polarizing. I don’t personally mind it, but it DOES matter when dealing with others and trying to get things done. He’s a bulldog but I can never tell if he’s all bark that wants to bite or is there really substance there. I think he’s smart, but by far, the most polarizing figure in this whole thing (including Trump). But the more he spoke, the more I liked his answers. The guy comes across as a smarmy used car salesman, but I’m not so sure I wouldn’t buy the car! Many of his views are my own. There are times he does go a bit too far for me, but I at least understand and appreciate where he’s coming from. Of all the Republican candidates though, I think he’d have the absolute toughest time garnering bi-partisan support. I understand why people loathe him, but I’m a little familiar with standing up for beliefs in the face of opposition because it’s what you believe to be right. He surprisingly moved up for me. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – A-

Rand Paul – Here’s another I was very interested in seeing. I’ve got friends who swear by him and I can see why. I know OF him, but have seen very little of him. He had some good answers and some serious zings. I do think his alternative approach is refreshing. I trust that he truly wants to be an honest leader who stands on his principles. But then… he all but buried himself in my eyes during one exchange with Trump regarding a single-payer healthcare system. He criticized Trump for advocating a system the Republican party has been fighting against for years. I’m sorry, but I don’t want someone toeing the company line. I don’t CARE what the Republican party is for. I care what a candidate is for. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a Republican. I’m obviously conservative, but I’m not into party ideology. If you’re worried about making sure you’re consistent with party ideology or directive, I have no use for you. I haven’t fully written him off, but that exchange was VERY telling. He can have great ideas and hopes, but he showed me his thought process and I don’t like it one bit. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – C-

Jeb Bush – Strange debate for me to judge. Everything I’ve seen of him from a personality/engagement perspective was very different than what I saw tonight. Tonight, he was emphatic, engaging and authoritative. And I’m not gonna lie… I liked it. A lot. I don’t like his Common Core stuff, but if the worst thing I can find in him is that, I’m eager to learn more. What I think is his best attribute may be his biggest problem. He’s politically savvy like no other candidate. I think he can navigate the political waters better than anyone else there. But, by definition that means he’s too much ‘establishment’, so I don’t know where I fully stand on that. It’s a needed skill that I wish wasn’t necessary. I’ll just have to decide how necessary it will need to be. At minimum, I no longer fear having to vote for him should he win the nomination. I may not vote for him in the primaries, but I can get behind what I saw if he does win the Republican nomination. He comes across to me as the smartest guy at a poker table full of dummies. That’s not a bad thing. I’m not saying he (or the others) are dumb. I’m saying he knows tricks and tactics that may be lost on his opponents. The best poker player in the world can get his butt handed to him by a table full of donkeys (poker lingo) and I think Bush is that guy. I think his savvy may be lost on those he’s running against, negating what advantage he might bring to the table. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – B+

Mike Huckabee – I’ve always liked him, mainly because I know he’s a devout Christian. But I’ve followed him more and more recently and was really happy with his debate. Great ideas. Good insight. I trust the source of his insight. He was one of the major winners here to me. He came across as much more authoritative than I expected. He didn’t get enough time, but I think he aced the opportunities he got. I have my doubts about whether the uninformed voter may take to him. And I have my doubts how those sick of Christianity will receive him. But he knocked it out of the park in this debate. He was my #2 hope coming into this and did not disappoint. DEBATE PERFORMANCE – A+

So there you have my impressions. While I can only vote for one in the primaries, there are more people here (at this point) I could at least support if necessary. That’s a good thing.

Bottom line, Scott Walker, Rand Paul and Donald Trump have no chance with me without a major miracle. All the other guys I’m still legitimately open to.

Winners – Carson, Huckabee, Rubio, Bush

Surprises – Christie, Bush, Cruz

While I need to go back and see the 11-17 debate, I don’t think anyone there has a chance. I know Carly Fiorina apparently had a good showing. What I saw of Governor Good Hair was actually pretty good, but he just won’t garner enough support. But, Fiorina scares me a little. Not because she doesn’t have good ideas, but apparently her private sector track record is abysmal. Not sure, in a crowded field of surprisingly solid candidates, she isn’t more talk and less execution.

But we’ll see on all this. Still lots of time for me to learn more. More time for some of these folks to lose me… or win me.

I liked certain things each candidate offered. If I could Frankenstein these guys into a perfect candidate, I’d love to. But then, that’d mean I was running for President. J

Marriage and Babies... Here's what to know!

Think I’m going to take a break (at least for this post) to write about something very different. I have a hard-hitting blog I’m thinking about (idea submitted by a good friend of mine), but that’s gonna wait. This one is still important, but may not apply to many of you.

But, I’ve got some friends getting married and having kids soon. I got to thinking about the advice I’d like to give. We all have our opinions on how people are supposed to run their own lives. Mine just happen to be right. J But employing learned advice and giving it are two different things. Would I have followed any of this when I was younger? Not sure. I would have liked the opportunity. That’s not to say I didn’t get good advice when I went through these times. I certainly did. But, these are the things I learned going through a couple of life’s major milestones:

MARRIAGE

1)      It’s a Love Triangle

a.       Marriage is a covenant between you and God where the goal is for you all to become one. Picture a triangle where God is at the top. If each of you grow closer to Him, you’ll inherently grow closer to each other. But if you try to just grow closer to each other without God involved, the triangle breaks. And if one of you is seeking God and the other isn’t, the triangle gets unbalanced. All three points must meet to maximize your marriage. And God is an unmoving standard. Move to meet Him and you’ll both reap the blessings.

2)      Both of you will make mistakes

a.       Newsflash: You’re not perfect. And neither is the person you marry. Marriage is a magnifying glass. Over time, long or short, the little things become big ones. Things you couldn’t see before are now visible. Remember when you first started dating and everything was peachy? After around 3-6 months, that kind of withered away and you start getting irritated with each other. Same thing happens. Once you realize (and understand) you each are flawed you can learn to forgive each other. Hurting each other will happen. Learning how to respond to that (and giving each other the benefit of the doubt) will keep the peace.

3)      It’s a commitment

a.       Don’t create contingencies. Too many people go into marriage with an unspoken understanding that you can get out if it doesn’t work. Society has taught us that. Don’t buy into that lie. Marriage is hard. Sometimes it sucks. But it’s also a choice you made. If it’s only a legal contract to you, then you will look for the first opportunity to run when it DOES get hard. When you roll over and can’t stand the face next to you, remember why you married in the first place.

4)      Love is an action, not a feeling

a.       You’re not always going to be ‘in love’. Don’t buy the lie that a good marriage is a romantic movie. Married life is listening to each other fart and pee in the morning. It’s fighting over whether to watch the Ranger game or Lifetime channel. Loving someone means to serve them and accept them. To make them better. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It’s 100/100. You both have to give it your all. Doing so is loving the other. You’re gonna not like each other a lot. A whole lot. But you can still love those you don’t like. The key is getting past that and liking each other again. Don’t confuse like with love. It’s too easy to do. And that confusing dooms more marriages than anything else.

5)      Don’t try to change each other

a.       Connected to the fact you both aren’t perfect, you need to be careful not to try to change each other. You certainly both must improve yourselves and learn how to coexist. But, be careful or you’ll look up to find yourself with someone else other than the one you married.

6)      Feed each other’s ego

a.       As you live together, each of your flaws will be magnified. One of the hardest things to do is to see the good in each other. Life beats you up and drags you down. You must boost each other up. You’re partners. Even when it doesn’t feel that way, you’re on the same side. Make each other feel good about themselves. That’s not just about saying, “I love you”, although that’s important. It’s about making the other feel good about themselves. Knowing the other has your back, unconditionally, provides hope. Hope is one of the most powerful emotions in existence. Feed that hope. You can tease each other and rag on each other for fun… but mix in affirming, encouraging words too.

7)      Don’t overextend yourselves financially

a.       The most common source of argument, especially early in a marriage, involves money. You can get so excited to propel your lives forward you can do it too fast. When in doubt, save your money. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. Live within your means. Don’t try to live how you want… live how you can. A financial mistake can take years to overcome. There are lots of different methodologies to follow to stay financially healthy. Utilize them. Ask others for your advice and disregard anyone who tells you what you want to hear. Listen to those who have opinions that differ from what you want because they are seeing something you don’t. Once you get those opinions, THEN act (or postpone action.) We made mistakes and got into serious debt. If any decision you make stretches your budget, think twice and get multiple sources of advice. If you have stretched finances, you’ll be in a world of hurt if that muscle pops. One of the easiest things to do is get into a pattern of tit-for-tat when spending money. The wife bought this, so I’m going to get that. You may be irritated at each other buying something because it was wasteful. Don’t double down on that and do the same thing yourself. Spending money can be therapeutic. That’s a very dangerous cycle and one that’s not always easy to see happen. Stay diligent and plan.

8)      Enjoy each other

a.       Spend time together. Do stuff together. Find things you both can enjoy and do them. It not only creates shared experiences, but brings you closer together.

9)      Enjoy time apart

a.       Spend time apart. You each have your own interests and hobbies. They don’t all have to match. Sometimes you need to be away from each other to be ‘yourself’. Once you get married, it’s always ‘we’. Find some time for ‘me.’  There has to be a balance between the two.

10)   Fight fair

a.       “I’m sorry” keeps the peace. Never deal in absolutes. (See what I did there) Neither of you ‘always’ and ‘never’ does anything. Give each other credit so that the other person doesn’t feel unnecessarily attacked. Don’t fight cheap. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t bring up something from three weeks ago if you haven’t brought it up before. People say mean things when they’re angry and hurt. Don’t EVER try to hurt the other (verbally or otherwise.) The hardest wounds to heal are words said ‘in the moment’ because those are often our true feelings we just don’t want to come out. And be careful when ragging on each other involving half-joking comments. Those types of things are insidious and foster distrust. One of the hardest things in a marriage is to know/feel the other person WANTS to be around you. Fighting fair means you respect each other to make that effort.

11)   Learn each other’s love language

a.       We each have our own ways that make us feel most loved. To maximize the impact of making the other feel loved, you must do it the right way. If one of my wife’s love languages is acts of service, but I bring her home a Slurpee, she may appreciate it. But it’s not going to maximize what I was trying to do. Learn your own love language. Learn each other’s. And then feed it. That Slurpee may have been nice, but separating the laundry may have been nicer to her. Love her/him the way they need. Not necessarily the way you want.

                                                               i.      Love Languages: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

1.       Words of affirmation

2.       Acts of Service

3.       Receiving Gifts

4.       Quality Time

5.       Physical Touch

12)   It’s not about being happy

a.       You’re not always going to be happy. Feelings feel good. Love doesn’t always. It certainly can. And you SHOULD hit peaks of happiness. But, marriage isn’t about being happy. That’s a byproduct. Marriage is about living a life together that (a) honors God, (b) enhances and builds up the other, and (c) provides fulfillment.

Marriage isn’t easy. But it should be rewarding. Remember, you’re making a commitment. It’s hard enough that if you go in thinking there’s a way out, you’ll find it. Sometimes one of you will be weak. The other has to carry the load. It’s your life together that you chose. Make it work. And love each other doing it.

HAVING CHILDREN

1)      It’s expensive

a.       Everyone will tell you this but you’ll never fully understand it until you do. You must put your wishes and wants behind what is necessary. You’ve lived your lives for yourselves and each other up to this point. Now it’s time to sacrifice. Doctor visits. Daycare. Diapers. Formula. Cribs. Changing tables. Bottles. Nipples (giggle). Car seats. Toys. Cleaning up messes. House proofing. It doesn’t end.

2)      Agree on discipline

a.       Not just on HOW to discipline, but when to. No one wants to deal with your bratty kids because you don’t discipline them. You’re not raising kids. You’re raising future adults. Get them ready.

3)      Don’t overextend financially

a.       Having a kid is dangerous financially. Not just because it’s expensive, but because good intentions are easily masked as bad ideas. You want that four-door car, but doing so will stretch you too far. You want that mini-van because it’ll make things easier. Well, not if you can’t afford an unforeseen doctor visit or illness. You want that uber-deluxe super-safety car seat that costs $250 when a regular one will do the trick. Lots of people and places will try to sell you on what you need. Ask your own parents whether you had that stuff or not. Chances are you didn’t, yet you still made it through alive. Don’t buy the hype. Again, live within your means and your means will grow quicker than you expect. Live outside your means and you’ll set yourself back for years. Never skimp on safety, but become knowledgeable about what’s safe and what’s superfluous.

4)      Life has changed

a.       When you got married, you gave up your single life. You lost some freedom to gain companionship. Having a child takes that up exponentially. Your life is no longer your own. Your existence is now to cultivate that little poop-machine. Don’t try to hold onto the life you had before and squeeze a kid into it. Accept life has changed and embrace that change. If you don’t, your marriage will suffer and your child will suffer because you are (at minimum) subconsciously resenting them.

5)      Enjoy each moment and time frame

a.       The biggest regret I have as an adult is that I didn’t know how to enjoy the birth of my kid. I wasn’t necessarily shellshocked. I just didn’t understand the blessing I had. Learn to enjoy each phase so you don’t look back and wish you did. What seems like an eternity usually only lasts a few months. God is trusting you with a life to raise. Trust me… you’ll wish you could enjoy each phase longer when it’s gone. The coolest thing is when you’re enjoying your child and cognizant that that time won’t last forever. That confluence of time and realization is magical because you recognize how awesome you have it at that particular moment. There’s no way to describe it any better than that. You’ll just have to experience it. But when you do, you’ll smile.

6)      Your own flaws in yourself will be transferred onto your child

a.       This is the hardest to accept. Not only are you not perfect (as discussed earlier), but you’ll transfer some of your flaws to your kid. And then you’ll get mad at them because you want better for them than the screw-ups you passed on. Be careful. There’s a fine line between cultivating and growing your kid and riding them. When they can actually think for themselves a little, all they want is to please you. Don’t let your kid think they’re perfect or they’ll never think they aren’t. But let them know when you’re genuinely proud. I find so many of the areas I wish my daughter was ‘better’ in are the exact areas I struggle, so I push. I want better for her and to learn from my mistakes. So, not only do you have to deal with your own flaws, you will see many of them manifested in them. So how do you fix that? Work on yourself! The fewer flaws you pass on, the better chance they’ll have. Of course, the good news is, you’ve been dealing with your own flaws your entire life, so you have some good advice to pass on!

7)      Sleep is overrated

a.       This is for parents of newborns. Lack of sleep with play tricks on you. Stay lucid. And don’t’ snap at your spouse out of exhaustion. They’re tired too. Take turns. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Suck it up so the other person can rest. Just know, the woman has it worse than anyone. Guys, be a man and accept that. Don’t whine. And when you finally get a date night? There may be all sorts of things you’ll want to do. My advice? Do it early and sleep!

8)      You’ll finally learn how much you are loved

a.       You have no idea how much your parents love you until you are one. That will open a whole new perspective on life. And it’s fun to think back at all the times in your life and better understand how THEY felt about it all. It’s like living twice in some ways.

9)      Safety first

a.       Don’t take risks. My daughter would have died 18 times had I been left to decide that whether something was a big deal or not. You’ll learn what is and isn’t. But don’t skimp on safety. Kids do a lot of stupid things. Gotta be prepared and ready to act.

10)   Expect to say things you never thought you’d say

a.       There are so many examples, many of them funny, of things I never thought I’d say. Kids are strange and do strange things. Their brains aren’t fully human. When those times come, my advice is to write them down and document them. I wish I did. Would be in for some good laughs…

11)   Your words mean little. Your actions mean everything

a.       As your kid gets older, your words mean only so much. From the moment they can, they will mimic you. Careful what they see.

12)   You must fight to keep your relationship strong

a.       Having a kid does NOT bring people closer together. It’s a lie. There may be occasional instances of that, but life isn’t a fairy tale. Having kids strains relationships. You must fight to keep each other strong and to know you are both in this together. Eventually, you can look back and see how you are closer because of what God allowed you to create, but don’t neglect each other in the process. Husbands notoriously feel left out. Women, make sure they don’t. You have to find the way to make that effort. Men? Your wife has it so much harder than you’ll ever understand. Show her patience. Have each other’s back and show each other love and affection. When fights do come, I’ve never been a fan of the ‘my kids never saw us fight’ frame of thought. It’s noble and utopian and would be nice… but life happens. I think kids NEED to see mommy and daddy fight fairly and they still love each other during and after the fight. Show kids you fight and come through it. Disagreement is natural, but if they see you come through it, they’ll learn how to better deal with conflict. Now, obviously, don’t go screaming and yelling in front of them. And certain topics just aren’t necessary for them to hear. But, the best way to teach a child to love someone is to love each other. And the best way to teach a kid to resolve conflict is for them to see it happen and resolved.

So there you have it. Make this go viral. It’s good, general advice about things I learned but was never really told beforehand. And if I was, it sure didn’t sink in. You’ll learn your own lessons. Pass them on.

Here’s hoping for good luck and good decisions.

Enjoy the journey.

What's the scariest verse in the Bible?

We all have that 'thing' that scares us most.

Spiders. Wasps. Clowns. Heights. The dark. Middle school.

But the scariest things are those we DON'T see coming. (Spiders make that list too!) You can't fear what you don't know or recognize... and to me, that makes the fear all the more visceral.

Which leads me to my question: What's the scariest verse in the Bible.

I'm sure that answer really depends on how you define scary. If you're an atheist, none of it should scare you, but for some reason, much of the Bible sure seems to. But, that's the topic of a different blog. :)

Does God's wrath scare you? It should, but you are already aware of it, so that awareness, to me, automatically pushes it down. Not because it isn't frightening, but because you know it exists.

Does Hell scare you? Well, if an eternity in a burning lake of fire never to be quenched doesn't scare you, then you're an atheist. So, the verses regarding Hell, while scary, again, blatantly warn us of the danger, so it brings awareness to the forefront.

What about being stoned to death (not the Colorado way) for adultery or disobeying your parents? We live in a culture where that law doesn't really apply anymore but those are easy to avoid. So, the fear factor there really lies in the fact of punishment. Don't do something wrong, and you'll avoid it.

Let's be a bit more abstract...

What about defining sin? Sin is scary...so that places James 4:17 high on the list: "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."

Uh oh. So, not only do we have to worry about our sinful actions, but our sinful NON-actions too? Oh geez. That's pretty dang scary. The 'don't-do-it' sins are tough enough to avoid sometimes, although pretty straightforward. But, the 'I-should-have-but-didn't' sins? That is certainly up there in terms of scare-quotient.

What about how to get into Heaven? Missing out on that is pretty scary. John 14:6 says (Jesus speaking), "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man gets to the father but through me." So... this verse says the ONLY way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ. That is pretty dang scary (and polarizing if you want to think we all worship the same God and there are many roads to Heaven.)

But to me... the height of fear is being mislead into something, thinking you were right all along.

So, to me, the scariest verse (and passage) in all God's Word is Matthew 7:21-27.

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.' Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell-- and great was its fall."

Imagine being in math class, having a teacher who's engaging and fun. They sound smart and wise. You go into your final exam brimming with confidence because this teacher you relied on has taught you what you need to know... and know it you do!

To the tune of a 55 on your final exam and you fail the class. You know enough just to be dangerous but are really clueless.

Wait? What?! Not only did your teacher not write the final exam (administered by a third party), but he stands by his teaching. He taught you 2+2=4. But he also taught you a+b=z. And he somehow blames the test for being wrong... not him!

How would you know? He taught you so much other right stuff, or stuff that sounded right, why would you doubt him? I mean, good grief... he's a teacher for God's sake!

Now the question becomes does he really believe the lies he's been teaching or is he taking it upon himself to determine what SHOULD be the answer, according to him?

The veil here is pretty obvious. But the scariest thing I can imagine is thinking you are right but being so very wrong when it concerns your soul.

I know many who disagree with my views on things will contend that maybe I'M the one who's wrong. The only answer I have for that is I've educated myself enough to know the difference in what is real vs rationalized. Matthew 7:15 warns us to beware false teachers. The only way to know they are false is to know enough truth so when they touch upon it in their teaching, you'll recognize and be able to separate God's truth from their distortion.

1 Timothy 4 deals with this as well.

I'm in no way declaring I know it all. I am no way declaring I don't have my own sin and issues I deal with. I am  wholeheartedly declaring I DO and that it's a constant struggle for me. But, I do know enough to know not to rationalize my sin. I recognize it for what it is.

What breaks my heart is seeing many Christians seduced and buying into things that 'sound' Biblical but aren't. They post articles by slick heretics who (again) are either misguided or purposeful in their deception. When you come across someone and you like what they are saying, do a bit of research on them. Maybe not everything they say is a perversion of truth, but I sure won't be quoting or linking to things written by people I know are not Biblical. Because if I endorse one thing they say, I've essentially endorsed THEM... and that's not going to happen.

They may have a nice quote here and there to use. But, people... PLEASE beware and guard yourself!

Below are three popular people I believe to be heretics... people who preach a false (or nonexistent) gospel. This is in no way a complete list. It's just the three most common I've seen linked to or quoted that I know who have twisted the truth...

John Pavlovitz - WAY too many Christians have linked to this guy. Look at what he espouses. He's a tricky one but his views on the church and fallibility of the Bible are very concerning.

Rob Bell - Spreads the message that we can get into Heaven even if we go to hell. There's more to the guy than this, but this is enough for me to label him severely misguided.

Joel Osteen - The definition of feel-good religion. There is NO gospel in his message. Just spiritual 'enlightenment' mixed with a few references to God.

http://www.religiouslyincorrect.com/Articles/FalseProphets1.shtml

There's so much more I could talk about. But maybe that will become part of a larger discussion. Maybe not.

But if you sincerely call yourself a born-again Christian, please be careful on who you listen to and what you follow. And if for some reason you think I'm dangerous for the stuff I spout, feel free not to listen to me.

I doubt you'll get that same acknowledgment from the others...

Would you go back?

Would you go back?


If you could, would you go back to college? High school? Jr High?


Ok, no one would probably go back to Jr. High. That’s just stupid. Three years of perpetual awkwardness on every level. If you’d want to go back there, you’re twisted.


But, when I hear people say all the time that they’d never want to go back to relive high school, college, whatever… I wonder… “Why?”


Maybe I’m strange. (Maybe ‘maybe’ isn’t appropriate there.) But, I would in a heartbeat. I understand when people say they wouldn’t. But, maybe I view that scenario a bit differently. I’m not saying I’d want to go back and relive those times as they were. What I really mean is I’d want to relive those times knowing what I know now. Knowing how to better take advantage of the opportunities I didn’t even realize existed.


I’d want to relive those times with less fear and trepidation. I’d have more confidence. I’d cast my worries to the side and just go for it.


I’d ask some of those girls out I never knew had much interest in me. Heck, I’d ask the ones out who didn’t just to see! I’d have worked harder and concentrated on school. I’d have put forth more effort instead of letting my test-taking ability get me through classes. I’d engage myself more. I’d still try to make people laugh, but I’d employ more foresight. I’d be less a pain in the butt to my teachers and more of a help.


When I say I’d go back, I’m not saying I want a different reality than what I have now. I’m saying I want the reality I have now enhanced by better decision-making. I want what I have now buttressed by the fruits of more insight and wisdom back then. I’m not saying I’m unhappy with the way things are now, although I certainly could have set my career goals up better. I’m saying I enjoyed those times in the past but realize the missed opportunities to make today even greater.


But here comes the rub? Would I really do anything differently?


I know and see the mistakes I made back then, yet I still make some of the same ones now… and I DO know better! What does that say? What does that mean? I’m not really sure. Does it make me a fool? It certainly might. I’d like to think I employ more foresight into my decision-making, but honestly, I may not very often.


It’s an interesting exercise to think about what you might have done differently ‘back in the day’ and then realize you have that same opportunity in the NOW.


I’ve always been a believer in having regrets. Not that we WANT them, but that we HAVE them. And probably SHOULD have them. If you don’t have regrets, either you’ve made perfect decisions along the way where hindsight wouldn’t even matter or you’re fooling yourself to think you (or life) couldn’t be any different/better. If you’re one of those who don’t believe in regrets ‘because my decisions made me who you are today’, then I’d argue you have settled for being less than you could have been. Regrets are meant to be learned from. If you aren’t learning from them, you’re not maturing or growing. I think it was Muhammad Ali who once said if you view the world the same at 50 as you did at 30, you’ve wasted 20 years. (Or something very similar to that. I’m too lazy to do that research at the moment.)


“If I knew then what I know now…”


“Youth is wasted on the young…”


All clichés but very true, powerful ones. They can be depressing ones if you let them. Or they can be empowering ones.


I heard something at my daughter’s 6th grade award ceremony that, while simple, will now go into my lexicon of clichés… “Make an effort, not excuses.”


When you’ve spent so long not really MAKING an effort, it’s tough to start. The easiest thing to ever do is nothing. Trust me. I’ve mastered the art of doing nothing. My wife can confirm this. J


But, I wonder, in 25-30 years, what will I look back on today and wish I knew? Or did I already know and did nothing?